Durrty Hairy Blog!

What it is, everybody? This is Chap Stique I'm writing to you at 3:08 in the morn,' California (Pacific) time. In other words, that means it's 6:08 a.m. on my body's clock (ATL)...and I haven't been to sleep yet! What the crap? That's what the road does to you, I guess.

But the good news about being up this late is that I just took a refreshing shower, so my sandy locks have finally received a much-needed cleansing. Having a bus rules, but the only negative thing about it (I'm not one to complain about transitioning from a van to a bus) is that we only get the opportunity to bathe at night rather in the morning. Thus, I awake every morning to see unintentional fo-hawks, not-quite vertical spikes, and awkward cowlicks leaping off my head. I usually look like a little kid that's too old to have his mother comb his hair, but not old enough to make his hair look acceptable without plenty of aid.

Fortunately, I have the privilege of traveling with Crouton, who graciously uses his coifing expertise to mold my pathetic-looking mop into an angular, anime-inspired hairstyle that looks pretty rock and roll if I may say so myself (is it boasting if you think your hair looks good...but somebody else styled it?). For those of you that don't know, he apprenticed at a salon for years before Family Force 5 became full-time project, and he still has the magic.

However, a new element was added to the mix last week when I looked in the mirror 10 minutes before our show and saw my pathetic excuse for a hairstyle. Crouton was nowhere to be found, but Lollipop (Soul Glow's wife) offered to lend a hand (or, for that matter, some product-saturated fingers), and ended up making my hair look pretty radical. I don't normally use the word radical, but I thought this situation warranted using it. Feeling like a member of Flock of Seagulls, I pranced around the stage with slightly more confidence than usual as my hair threatened to poke people in the eye.

After a few more days of "My name is Jon Bon Jovi and I'm rocking arena's in the '80's" hair, I had a revelation...I'd studied and admired Crouton and Lollipop's technique (though they differ slightly...Lollipop teases and Crouton ruffles) enough to try it on my own. I'm no Van Michael, but I'm not gonna lie: I can get my 'do looking pretty coo!' *Note: I am referring to show-hair, which is tremendously different from every-day-hair...I have always been able to do that myself.

I think Crouton was jealous of the fact that I let Lollipop do my hair, but hey, sometimes you need to look like a member of Cinderella.

Being the frugally cost-efficient nerd that I am, I once went to Great Clips in an effort to save some dough, and ended up realizing I would have been better off cutting my own hair with a lawn mower. I had a hair style similar to my current one (but with my natural color), and simply asked for a trim. Her cigarette-stained hands went to work chopping with tremendous haste, and in a matter of seconds, my hair was shaped like a cheap cereal bowl that hadn't been appropriately drained.

The second I stepped inside my house, my mom (Wolfhat) started cracking up at how bad I looked, and insisted that I go to a nice salon to have it corrected! That's when you know you've hit rock bottom...when your mom makes fun of you.

I ended up looking like a page-boy fool for the next month, but found it much easier than normal to get people to laugh at my jokes.

I hope I never go bald. My ears are too big for that, and I think I have a mole on my head that would look weird.

Goodnight, y'uns. Wash your hair and style it like a champion.