knowing nothing is better than knowing at all

Growing up is something no one really wants to do.  2003-2005 were awesome years.  getting lost going to ohio with micah to see the used and boxcar racer. should I have told her how much I liked her?  where is terry, or mike, or darren, or nick, everyone that I was friends with and upon receiving that diploma, never spoke to again.  only worrying about whos house I was going to stay at on the weekend.  when 6.50 an hour to move lumber all day and 80 lb bags of concrete around seemed like enough money to get by.

these days i'm 2-3 tears shy of a xanax prescription.  my track record with actually attending or showing up to a first meeting with a doctor that hands that stuff is 0 for 4.  i get scared to death of the outcome, and don't show.  i don't even know what I would talk about.  It seems like everyone these days has the local pizza place, chinese place, their drug dealer, and a shrink on speed dial.  how can nerves be so unpredictable. it's 2 am and my heart is racing like a sprinter and it's hard to move the damn mouse pad on my laptop because when your hands are sweaty, the pad doesn't like the moisture and it starts freakin' out, and there isn't any good reason why I should feel like this right now.  i support run on sentences.  

5 doubles in a row.  12 hours.  all day.  i've got to get away from this job.  i hope to go see weezer and angels and airwaves at madison square garden in september.  sometimes you are just trapped between a rock and a hard place.

i want it to be sunday night already.