Royal Mail

There's that song on every CD that you play more than others. It's this intangible object that you just can't get enough of. You sing it so loud and so strong that you can hardly catch your breath and you beat out the rhythm on your knee so hard that it turns them red. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It comes in different sizes, shapes, colors and flavors; but it's got that "thing." In people, I call it charisma. In music, I don't know what to call it, but it's there. Sometimes the words speak to you like no other. A song comes along and it's just right for you for just that moment in time and if you would have heard it a day earlier, or later, you would have passed it by. Sometimes the drums just seem to beat with the exact rhythm of your heart. Once you fall in love, there are days that it makes you cry.

I never understood people who cried at weddings. Crying when you're happy? It just didn't seem natural. I've questioned this spectacle that happens in every movie that features a wedding since a young age. Perhaps it's because I've never been in love. It took me awhile to realize this. You see, sometimes I take silly quizzes on Facebook that my friends send me. They don't mean anything, they just pass the time. Often they ask questions like, "Have you ever been in love?" Well, I dunno. A few years ago i wouldn't have hesitated when replying "Yes, of course!" Now, I stop and question my answer. The fact that I have to question it at all says a lot. I'm confident at this point saying, "No, I haven't." Whatever I thought "love" was between me and any person, in the sense of some sort of romantic relationship was never really that...well...real. I remember the first time I cried out of joy. July 15, 1998. Nissan Pavilion. Bristow, VA. BSB. I didn't understand what was happening. It just did. It didn't happen often after that, but as I've gotten older and learned to appreciate my surroundings and my life I tend to cry constantly. Mind you, this isn't out of fear, loss or dissappointment. No, only out of happiness. If I cry related to any negative emotion, other than physical pain, somebody has really hurt me. It's so rare. These days, the thing that most commonly makes me cry is music. Obviously it's a good thing. The moment most any band that I'd pay to see goes on stage I instantly cry. It doesn't last long. It's just a few tears accompanied with laughter. It's instant and quick, and the best thing I can call it is love. Love. The One Love.

My favorite cries? The first moment I saw McFly take the stage in Glasgow. Please, Please. Acoustic FOB set in a small hallway for 30 unamused students and my heart. Patrick Stump accompanying Gym Class for Clothes Off somewhere in CT. Millennium. FF5 on the 5 covers of CCM. FOB - Hey Chris in Bournemouth and the moment I got that ticket! " _ _ _ _ _   _ _ _ _ hold my hand!" McFly - Friday Night - Blackpool. The moment I got my Wonderland CD the first time, after months of getting it back after going lost and getting a new unscratched copy just this week and getting to drown in "Don't Know Why." Seeing The Click Five on TRL...or maybe just riding up the escalator to get to the studio. Don't even ask me the first song, but Son of Dork in London. Sneaking into that Hawk Nelson show during GMA week. No Doubt - pit - DC. Being forced to see The Click Five in Cincinatti and all the sparkles that caught my eye. All Time Low "Vegas." The Wonderland DVD. BSB/Click Radio City. BSB at the NorVA. Driving 12 hours to see Mr. Hilton play in a sportsbar. McFly - "I Wanna Hold You" in Sheffield...or in any place for that matter! ;o) Buying Infinity on High. Anytime I get Royal Mail. I digress.

I realized recently that the reason I don't know how to answer those "love" questions is because I never was in love. Never have a had an experience with some boy that has touched me as much as a song. Never have I been reuinted with some guy after a long wait and instantly had tears well up in my eyes. I've cried, yes, but always because I've been hurt. So, here's my answer, Facebook quiz. No. I have never been "in love." The Princess of Genovia waited for her toe to pop. I'm waiting to cry and smile at the same time. I know what makes me cry and smile at the same time, and for now they have my heart. My family, my God and my MUSIC!!

What spawned this realization? Royal mail, knocking on my door. I know that knock. Any packages smaller than a cd are put into my box. Any packages larger than a cd are dropped off at the apt office. CDs are rubber banned to my door knob. Maintenance yells "maintenance" when knocking and my friends knock much weaker than the mail man. I buy any American music from the store, mainly Target or a handful of indie record stores in several states. I'm not an iTunes shopper. I can't give up one of most intimiate experiences I have in my life on a constant basis. Buying a CD. It's 11:30 am. There's a knock. It must be Royal Mail.

We are the lovers.
If you don't believe me,
just look into my eyes...
because the heart never lies.

I've been crying all day.